I wanted to share with you some edited excerpts from a Q&A session I held with readers in Omaha during Berkshire Hathaway’s shareholder meeting weekend. This first email focuses on parenting and personal growth. My kids, Jonah (23) and Hannah (18), were in the audience and unexpectedly answered a few questions too.
How do you know you succeeded as a parent?
That’s an interesting question. You know, it’s funny; a couple I met in Omaha last year told me they had my book in their book club. This year they said, “Vitaliy, you wrote a book about parenting.” I was surprised, because I never thought that I was writing a parenting book. I guess I was just writing about life, and parenting is a big part of that.
Judging parental success is complicated. First, I look at my kids and how they’ve turned out. Two of them are right here, and I have this incredible parental pride. It’s not just because of me, though – it’s my wife and myself together.
But I’ve also realized how much luck plays a role. I have friends who I often call for parenting advice, and they’ve had a lot of issues with their kids that I never experienced. So there’s a lot of luck involved, and I don’t know how much credit I can take. I honestly have wonderful kids – and I’m not just saying that because they’re sitting here.
Another way I judge it is by looking at our relationship. I have a very special bond with my kids, and that’s important to me. I also observe how they face life, how they interact with the world. That shows me if I’ve been successful or not.
My father always told me that his job as a parent was to raise kids who could face life, stand on their own feet, and be good human beings. That’s what I’ve tried to do. If my kids can deal with adversity well and navigate life successfully, then I think I’ve succeeded.
So, I guess it’s a multi-layered answer. It’s about how they’ve turned out, our relationship, how they face challenges, and whether they’ve become good, independent people. But there’s also an element of luck that we can’t ignore.
What is it like living with an “outsider”? (My kids weigh in.)
Jonah: That’s a good question. It’s a fancy way to ask, is he weird? I think the way he thinks is founded in being a contrarian and seeing things differently.
I have so many examples, but here’s one from when I was a kid. We went to Chipotle, and I got a cup of water. My parents never let me have sodas or lemonade. When they weren’t looking, I filled my water cup with lemonade. My dad caught me and made me go up to the cashier and pay for the drink with my allowance – 100% of my net worth at the time. The cashier didn’t want to accept it, so he made me put it in the tip jar. He said it wasn’t about whether they accepted it, but about understanding the value of honesty. A lot of these lessons stem from my grandpa.
But also, our conversations aren’t normal. On vacation or at a restaurant, we break down how the business makes money, what they’re doing well or not, and estimate their yearly revenue. I don’t think most people do that, though maybe in this room (at the Berkshire shareholder meeting) a lot of people do.
My dad is interesting because when he cares about something, he puts 100% into it. But if he doesn’t care… For example, in high school, I came home to find him throwing all his clothes in the trash. He said, “I only need two pairs of pants, three pairs of shorts, and a few T-shirts. I don’t need all this other crap.”
Hannah: Our dad does ValueX Vail every year in Vail. He makes about 50 or 60 shirts, plus extras. Every year he gets about 10 shirts for himself. He wears them every day.
How do your kids feel about you writing about them?
Jonah: I think we have undeserved fame. But there’s an interesting accountability loop that comes with it. When you know that what you’re doing might be written about publicly, you think about how you structure your life more thoughtfully. It’s cool, because often when you meet new people, the first interaction is just filling them in on your life. For us, it’s a weird privilege and an amazing opportunity, but it definitely gets strange sometimes.
Vitaliy: Jonah just said something that really resonated with me. Let me give you an example. I write about our special trip to San Francisco, right? Or even better, when Hannah and I go into a bookstore. I write about these things, but it’s not like we go to bookstores every day. What happens is, when I write about these moments, I create an accountability for myself. I’m writing about the highlights of my life, right?
But now I’m trying to live up to that all the time. It actually makes me a better person because I’m striving to be the person you read about on those pages. I promise you, I’m not that person all the time, but I try to elevate myself to be that person more often. So it’s actually rewarding for me as well, and I guess it has a similar impact on my kids.
It’s like we’re creating this ideal version of ourselves in writing, and then we’re all working to live up to it more consistently in real life. It’s a unique dynamic that pushes us to be our best selves, not just for the stories, but in our day-to-day lives.
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